Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Fallen Friends

Rob Embury

The heat of the Arab sun burned at John’s neck. Cool sweat ran down his face obscuring his camouflage face paint. The sun heated the cool trigger on his M24 and the glare of the sun disfigured the reticle of his scope. They had spend the past 34 hours sneaking into position. They had to be as furtive as possible to stay unnoticed. Troy, his spotter, was giving him the wind measurements about 400 yards down range. With the “Kentucky Windage” John needed to move the turrets on his scope to left by 8 clicks. John’s military training kicked into action. He flipped the safety on his gun to “Kill”. He lined up the crosshairs with the small leader’s head when he heard Troy begin his chant which he had heard so many times before. “Fire, fire, fire” Troy chanted. On the third “fire” command John squeezed the trigger. The 7.62mm NATO round flew through the Arab’s head leaving nothing but the pink mist. From the lofty plateau they sat on they could hear in the distance a siren begin to scream and the once quiet and lifeless enemy camp sprung to life while nearly 5 dozen soldiers jump out of their tents from the turbulence of siren and gun shot. The anarchy below made John jump.

“We need to get out of here now!” John harshly whispered to Troy. Troy replied with a nod. Troy got on the radio and said.
While trying to keep his composure Troy said.
" This is Echo team we have been compromised, I repeat we have been compromised. We are proceeding to LZ 4!!!!”

They packed the M24 SWS into a drag bag and John exchanged his rifle for his M16A3. Once they began to run they could hear the sounds of motors racing towards them. The sound of screaming people and gun fire made John’s heart pound. He put on his Kevlar and flipped down the helmet mounted GPS system. They were about 1 klick away from the LZ. Out of the corner of his eye John saw a flash of red and heard a thud. He stopped to find Troy with a bullet hole straight through his chest. John immediately proned out and looked for the man who shot his friend. He saw a lone gunman holding a battered Ak-47 wearing a blue dress shirt. John crawled over to his dear friend. He checked for a pulse but found nothing. He turned and looked up to see the mob of anger soldiers running at his position. He pulled the radio off Troy’s back and said

” This is Echo team!! Troy is hit.”
After a few moments command radioed back.
” What’s his status, over?”
“He’s, he’s….” John tryed to hedge witht the answer.The thought of pronouncing his friend dead tore at his soul.
“He’s KIA sir. I need an immediate air evac.”
"Affirmative, sending in the UH64 Apache transport now. The Apache will converge on LZ 4. Estimated Time to Arrival: 5 minutes." replied command in a calm voice.

John then pulled Troy's lifeless body behind a rock and they picked up his M16. As many spotters had, Troy's M16 had a modified heat shield to accommodate the M203 40mm Grenade launcher. John loaded a grenade into the M203 and took aim at a fast moving truck heading straight at them. He pulled the trigger and the grenade left the barrel with a THUD. Although the flight time of the grenade was merely a second or two John watched it spiral toward the oncoming truck and finally explode on impact. John loaded another grenade into the launcher and took aim at a small group of militia that had assembled in their previous sniping position. This grenade killed 5 of the 6 men with the last bleeding out of his newly severed arm. The radio clicked on and John heard command say

" ETA 90 seconds, mark you position with a flare."

John reached into his vest and found the flare. He pulled off the cap and ignited it then placed it on the ground. In the distance he could hear the Apache helicopter. He could hear the roar of it's 2 onboard M134 miniguns cutting down enemy personnel while it performed elegant strafing maneuvers. Another group of about 8 or so men appeared. This group stood out more to John than any other. The man leading the group towards John was holding a battered Ak-47 and he was wearing a blue dress shirt.The nefarious man was the one who had shot his friend. Anger consumed John as he raised the barrel of his service weapon. Carefully he lined up the aperture with the front sight post and the front sight post with the man's chest. John flipped the safety from "safe" to Semi-automatic. John inhaled and squeezed the trigger on the exhale. The bullet left the barrel at 2,800 meters per second and hit the man in the blue shirt in a fraction of a second. Because the M16 shot such a small round the bullet punched straight through the man but it did not drop him. The man continued to run at John's position. As John lined up the sights again on the man the rifle jammed. He tugged at the charging handle with all of his might but it wouldn't budge. John quickly dropped the gun and reached for the drag bag with his M24. As he pulled it out of the bag the radio came on again.
"ETA 10 seconds"

The crosshairs of the scope were pointed directly in between the eyes of the man now only 50 meters from John. In a quick pull of the trigger the man fell to the ground about 10 pounds lighter. The M134 of the Apache tore apart the rest of the group. Then the helo hovered and touched down for John to get on. He loaded the body of his friend onto the Helicopter , then the rifles and finally himself. As the Apache took off again it spun up a cloud of dust that blinded the rest of the men on the ground. He now deplored the desert that took his friend frow him and he thought to himself.
"This mission was a success but at what cost???"


  1. 1. The conflict of this story was that John and Troy were firing at the enemy's camp. It was an external conflict and was resolved when the camp shot at them and killed Troy after John had shot the leader. This story was very dramatic and nothing needed to be added.
    2. Over time John seems to change, he goes from a man trying to kill the enemy to someone who just lost their best friend. He becomes much sadder throughout the story because his friend gets shot.
    3. My favorite part of the story was right after the climax when John had to say that Troy was killed. "“He’s, he’s….” The thought of pronouncing his friend dead tore at his soul." I liked that part because it was very emotional.
    4. The story's best quality was the word choice. It was a very detailed story and Rob's choice of words brought it to life.
    5. The theme of this story is that victory has a cost, in this case it was his friend's life.
    6. The author should finish adding vocab words, otherwise nothing needs to be changed.

  2. 1.The 2 main characters in the story are Troy and John. John being a sniper and Troy being a spotter.
    2.The conflict of the story is John is trying to get to the LZ point with Troy to get picked up. This is a mam vs man conflict
    3.The climax of the story is when the M16 locks up on John and is forced to take out the man with the M24 which he does successfully.
    4.I thought the resolution was very effective and i liked the topic he used.
    5.Yes this story seemed believeable because i feel as if this could happen to any marine sniper in the line of duty.
    6.The story's greatest strength is definitely the author's knowledge of war terminoligy because he is going outside of the basic CoD terminoligy and using the "for real" stuff.
    7.One thing is missing is the vocab. Other then that, this would be a good baseline for a movie.

  3. Dont worry about the the response above. ^

    1.The conflict of the story is John is trying to get to the LZ point with Troy to get picked up. This is an external conflict. It is resolved by the Apache coming to pick them up.
    The story was dramatic enough.
    2.I dont really see a change over time but maybe John's awareness changes because he becomes a lot mroe quicker with everything he does. It is important to the story because of it, he survived.
    3.My favorite part of the story is when John snipes the guy who killed Troy with a HEADSHOT.It was the climax."The crosshairs of the scope were pointed directly in between the eyes of the man now only 50 meters from John. In a quick pull of the trigger the man fell to the ground about 10 pounds lighter." That was intense.
    4.The best quality of the story is the authors knowledge of the terminoligy of war, it sounded legit. He goes above and beyond CoD terminoligy.
    5.The stories theme is never give up because if you do, you might not survive. If John gave up, he would've died but he survived because he never gave up.
    6.One thing you might need to fix up is the you need to add vocab words.

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  5. Composure,Turbulence,Nefarious,Lofty,Furtive,Converge,Wizened,Hedge,Deplore,Anarchy

  6. 1. The main character is John, a sniper in the Army.
    2. The conflict is external and is man vs. man.
    3. The climax was when John was shooting at the man who killed Troy, taking two precise shots to kill him.
    4. I thought the resolution tilted me toward a decision that war doesn’t solve much and that the author disliked war. I thought that it was effective though.
    5. Yes, the story seemed believable to me as it is depicted so many times in modern times.
    6. I would say the story’s greatest strength is its description of elements and certain things and moments in the story.
    7. I would have to say conflict was where it was most lacking, because the author just placed the reader in a situation, not knowing the problem, other than that they needed to leave the area.